How one should Treat non-Muslim Parents part 1

Asmaa’ bint Abu Bakr was the Prophet’s sister-in-law. She was the daughter of his closest companion and the sister of Aisha, his wife. Her mother, however, did not become a Muslim for quite a long time.Asmaa’ states: “My mother came to me during the time of the Prophet (Pbuh), hoping to get something from me. I asked the Prophet (Pbuh) whether I should be kind to her. He answered: “Yes,”
(Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and others).

Over the last issues we have been discussing kindness to parents as a personal duty imposed by Allah on every son and daughter. We have explained that to be a dutiful child is to ensure that one is closer to Allah. It makes it easier to win Allah’s pleasure and be eventually admitted into heaven. We have also explained that parents must be obeyed unless they order us to commit a sin. This is based on the Prophet’s (Pbuh) Hadith that “no creature may be obeyed in what constitutes disobedience to the creator.” All this assumes that the parents are Muslims. It may happen, however, that a Muslim child has non-Muslim parents. What should his attitude be toward them?

Asmaa’ bint Abu Bakr was the Prophet’s sister-in-law. She was the daughter of his closest companion and the sister of Aisha, his wife. Her mother, however, did not become a Muslim for quite a long time. Asmaa’ states: “My mother came to me during the time of the Prophet (Pbuh), hoping to get something from me. I asked the Prophet (Pbuh) whether I should be kind to her. He answered: “Yes,” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and others).

The way this Hadith is phrased suggests that her mother had not yet become a Muslim when she came to her. Another version states clearly that the mother was hostile to Islam. Had she shown any inclination to become a Muslim, Asmaa’ would not have needed to ask the Prophet’s (Pbuh) permission to be kind to her. Many a Muslim at that time was extra kind to their parents and relatives who were not Muslims, hoping to win them over to Islam. The significance of this particular Hadith is that even when a parent is determined not to become a Muslim, we still should treat him or her kindly. Allah later revealed in the Qur’an: As for such of the unbelievers as do not fight against you on account of your faith, and neither drive you forth from your homelands, Allah does not forbid you to show them kindness and to behave toward them with full equity. Indeed, Allah loves those who act equitably. (Surah Al-Mumtahinah 60:8)

It is clear from this Qur’anic verse and the Hadith quoted above that to show kindness to parents who are non-Muslims is also a duty on children, provided that such parents do not fight against Muslims, and do not chase them out of their land. This is further supported by a Hadith which mentions that Umar saw a silk suit being sold in the marketplace. He suggested to the Prophet (Pbuh) to buy it in order to wear it on Fridays and when he received delegations from other tribes. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: “Only a person deprived (of goodness) wears such a suit.”

Some time later, the Prophet (Pbuh) received a number of similar suits. He sent one to Umar. Umar asked. “How can I wear it when you have said about it what you said?” The Prophet (Pbuh) answered: “I have not given it you to wear it, but to either sell it or give it as a present.” Umar sent it to a friend of his in Makkah who was not a Muslim. This Hadith suggests that kindness to unbelievers is also recommended if they do not take an attitude of active hostility towards Islam.